uncrossed.

There is quite possibly nothing more exciting/terrifying than your first day at a new job. First days possess all the childhood excitement of riding every single ride at Six Flags Great Adventure combined with all the adulthood fear of receiving a letter from the IRS (I just got one). Last week I worked my first (and second) day at Greene Ave, which I'm happy to say was a success. It was incredibly humbling to be the "new kid" for the first time in a really long time. I was surprised at how hard I had to push myself to switch out of boss mode - especially when I was being trained on how to properly and politely answer the phone. I wanted to stop and say with the sarcasm of an angsty teenager, "Yeah, I know how to answer a fucking phone. I was director at the nicest salon in Brooklyn. I wrote the book on customer service." Oh wait, that's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to learn new things. I really really had to bang that into my brain but once I did, I was ready to go with an open mind, to learn new things - and I did. I learned a lot - how to set up and break down a machine/station, how to price tattoos for clients and how to dispose of hazardous material. It was an amazing feeling to step out of my usual tell-people-what-to-do role and interact with co-workers in an entirely new way. No longer was I running around trying to plug all the leaks in the damn, instead I was collaborating, listening and learning. IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME. All in all, I'd say it was a success. Here I am at my new desk -  a happy, eager-to-learn shop greenhorn. 

Not only did I have my first day at the shop but I also had my volunteer orientation for New York Cares. New York Cares is NYC's largest volunteer organization. They plug willing volunteers in with non-profits, government agencies and public schools in need of help. 

For those of you who don't know - before I moved to New York and started working to serve the privileged elite who have no issue dropping a $600 bill at a hair salon - I worked in non-profits, specifically at-risk youth agencies. I did almost everything - homeless street outreach, school outreach, LGBT youth advocacy, working in a youth shelter for domestic violence victims and offenders, homeless youth drop-in center, teaching life skills classes to youth in housing transition, launching new programs, working with other agencies, activities coordinator, case management, you name it and I probably did it...and I was good at it...and I really fucking loved it. Time to get back to it - with or without a paycheck. 

I'm very excited to be participating in to two very awesome programs. Starting January 3rd, I will be volunteering at Covenant House, the largest homeless youth and at-risk youth agency in the country. I will be participating on a career exploration panel for their Job Training Program - sharing my story of my own career paths and how I achieved goals that I set for myself. Despite the fact that I was in gifted and AP classes in high school and accepted into the honors program in college, being on this panel is a little ironic considering that I am technically an unemployed high school and college drop out. Maybe I shouldn't word it quite like that in my presentation - then again, maybe I should. 

The second program I'll be volunteering with is Citizenship Through English at the Arab American Family Support Center. Starting January 11, I will be preparing a group of Arabic-speaking immigrant women for their US Citizenship exams. Ever since I was very young I've always been enamored by the history of America. I remember being around five years old and snuggling up with my dad to watch old westerns, by the time I was seven I knew every president in chronological order, by the age of ten I knew every amendment to our Constitution. For a school project in the 5th grade I had to make a family tree. I learned that both sets of my father's grandparents were Dutch and Irish immigrants and that's when my fascination with Ellis Island began. What can I say, I was an obsessive child. I'm thrilled to teach the history of this country to people so eager to be a part of it. Additionally, just last year my mom studied hard for her Citizenship Exam. I will never forget the pride in her voice when she called me and told me she passed. After 25 years of living in the United States she was finally a citizen. This past November my mother voted for the first time in her life and though she and I don't necessarily see eye to eye on politics, I'm so incredibly proud of her. I can't wait to pass that knowledge, accomplishment and pride on to other women.

So, what has been fueling all this progress, my witchy uncrossing candle perhaps...? Like I said before, I'm a skeptic when it comes to things of this nature but my candle burned out on Sunday and since I began burning it last Tuesday quite a few doors have opened. I attended my first NY Cares orientation this past Tuesday, yesterday I was asked to pick up a third day at Greene Ave and I have officially been hired for my first freelance business consulting job (IN HOUSTON) and am being flown out there for a week in January. On top of it all, this Saturday I start an epic road trip to Florida and back to spend Christmas with John's family and friends.

Whether all this transition is fueled by the stars and planets, my uncrossing candle (which is now a pile of glitter and lead) or good old fashioned tenacity, I'm super stoked to see where it all takes me....or where I take it. 

Peeling the Onion

I'm happy to report that I went my entire first day of unemployment without watching a single episode of Law and Order : SVU. Full disclosure - I did watch a movie but it was rainy out. Plus, it was sort of an educational film starring Lindsey Lohan, written and directed by Emilio Estevez. How could I resist?

My day wasn't all cuddling with pups and relaxation though. I did some serious evaluating. I realized that I can't  progress and move on to new and exciting things until I deal with the past. With a full day ahead of me, I set out to do some serious cleansing (physical and emotional). Somehow, it turned into a day of firsts for me too.

First stop - our refrigerator. I have never, not even once, properly cleaned out our refrigerator and it's likely the most used/least cleaned thing in our home. How could I possibly open new doors to my future when I'm being held back by 3 lbs of napa cabbage from this Summer's CSA? As I was cautiously sniffing unidentified tupperware contents, I started wondering why I hadn't done this sooner. How had I allowed our refrigerator to get to this point? The answer was simple - I "never had time" to do it before - or at least that's what I told myself. It made me think about all the things I neglect because "I don't have time." I mean, I eat food out of that fridge everyday. What's the point of buying organic farm fresh groceries if they're sitting on the same shelf as moldy carrot ginger soup? If I don't have time for something as important as cleaning my food's home, what else don't I have time for? So after doing this....

...I made a list of all the things I need/want to start making time for. This list ended up being way longer than I expected. I can't believe all the things I put off because I told myself I was too busy. Not ready to share my list quite yet but I'll be filling y'all in as I go.

Second stop - dabbling in witchcraft. Believe it or not, this too was another first for me. Last week, John and I made our way to Enchantments. According to their website, they're NYC's largest Witchcraft and Goddess Supply Store. I was in the market for a Custom Carved Candle to assist me on my journey through unemployment. We were greeted by a lovely witch/goddess at the candle carving desk. She asked me about my situation and also about what I was looking to achieve. After a quick chat, she told me I'd be getting the "Uncrossing" candle. This candle is meant to open doors and remove obstacles - sounds exactly what I was looking for. After being hand carved, glittered, oiled and anchored with lead, my candle was ready.

I brought the candle home but it sat on my mantle for a few days. Before you light your candle, you're supposed to write a letter of intent explaining what you hope to accomplish with your candle. This was one of those things I didn't have time for, or maybe I was overwhelmed with the idea of putting my thoughts on paper (because for some reason, when you put your thoughts on paper, they become so much more real) so I kept procrastinating. Finally, after I made my post-fridge-cleaning list, I decided that today was the day. I sat down and wrote my letter of intent, read it out loud a couple of times (so my candle and I would be on the same page) and lit the wick. It takes about 7 days to burn completely down. I can put it out when I leave the house but every time I re-light it, I have to focus my energy on my intent and read my letter again. Though I'm usually a huge skeptic of things of this nature, I have a good feeling about my candle. If nothing else, it's made me really analyze my goals for my future and put them down on paper so I'm constantly revisiting them. If that's not a positive step in the right direction, I don't know what is.

Third stop - Greene Ave Tattoo Shop. For me, getting tattooed is a pretty emancipating experience. At this point, I'm used to going under the needle but today was different. It was my first time getting tattooed by a woman, the lovely Becki Wilson. I didn't really think it would be that much different but it truly was unlike any tattoo experience I have ever had. Collected and calming, Becki has a way about her that is very confident and cool but never pretentious. When I spotted this drawing on her Instagram, I called dibs right away.

The nesting doll held some meaning with me. I love the idea that nesting dolls are kind of like onions - after you peel each layer away, there's a similar but not identical layer underneath. It's what I'm hoping to accomplish - to start peeling away at my layers so I can learn more about who I really am and what I really want in life. Am I expecting my layers to be similar but not identical - yes. Am I ready to be surprised if I peel away a layer of onion to find a pear - yes.

So with my cleansing underway, I start my first part-time gig tomorrow. That's right, I got a job (but don't worry, it's not a real one)! You're looking at the newest shop girl at Green Ave Tattoo Shop. I'll be there 2 days a week, not as a boss but as a wide-eyed novice, ready to soak up everything I can.

Wish me luck.

What now?

This past Saturday was my last day of work as Director of Operations at Woodley & Bunny. After nearly 3 years of what has certainly been my most challenging job so far, I decided it was time to move on. Normally for me, a change of this magnitude would have been executed with a well thought out, calculated plan of what now - my next job lined up, how long it would take me to get promoted and a financial plan in place - but that was not the case this time around. My resignation was decided on a whim. Though I had toyed around with the idea for months - after realizing I hadn't taken a vacation or even had a single weekend that I hadn't worked through since I started my job - I was so attached to what I did, I never thought I'd leave. And then, one magical morning, I rolled out of bed with just the right amount of aplomb needed to march into Jenny's room, wake her up and confidently declare "I'm quitting my job today...so can you braid my hair?" With my braid (but little else) in place, I went to work that day and handed in my resignation.

In true fashion, I had interviews scheduled right away and even a job offer with a salary comparable to a bench rookie NHL player's to manage a life insurance company. It seemed like an easy decision but even to my own shock, I declined the offer. I quit my job because I was looking for something more fulfilling, more collaborative, more creative - there was no way my efforts toward a more emotionally fulfilling career was going to lead me to manage a life insurance company (despite the 6 figure offer).

After turning down the job, I had some major "what the fuck am I going to do" moments. After sending a hysterical (and menstrual fueled) text to John last week that went something like this regarding my future, he got home with a hobo pack in tow (ignoring the fact that I was curled up on the Lazy Boy, watching Law and Order : SVU, feeling sorry for myself). He leaned over, gave me a kiss and handed me the hobo pack - it contained a mug filled with some coins, a harmonica and an apple all bundled inside a handkerchief and tied to a tree branch. He said it was the starter pack to my next career. It made me realize, I can do anything.

After much deliberation (some solid time with a Magic 8 Ball and taking a few cues from the planets and stars), I decided that I'm going to be unemployed for a while but not in the lazy, Netflix is my best friend sort of way. I'm taking a break from being the boss that I've spent the last three years striving to be and I'm going to focus on collaborating with people, learning new things and attempting to be a better person in general. I'm hoping for part time gigs, support groups, hobbies, volunteering efforts, unpaid internships, exercise groups, self-help books and maybe even a hands-on apprenticeship. I'm taking off the bossy pants, putting the thinking cap on and I'm going to do what all unemployed people do - blog about it.