Peeling the Onion

I'm happy to report that I went my entire first day of unemployment without watching a single episode of Law and Order : SVU. Full disclosure - I did watch a movie but it was rainy out. Plus, it was sort of an educational film starring Lindsey Lohan, written and directed by Emilio Estevez. How could I resist?

My day wasn't all cuddling with pups and relaxation though. I did some serious evaluating. I realized that I can't  progress and move on to new and exciting things until I deal with the past. With a full day ahead of me, I set out to do some serious cleansing (physical and emotional). Somehow, it turned into a day of firsts for me too.

First stop - our refrigerator. I have never, not even once, properly cleaned out our refrigerator and it's likely the most used/least cleaned thing in our home. How could I possibly open new doors to my future when I'm being held back by 3 lbs of napa cabbage from this Summer's CSA? As I was cautiously sniffing unidentified tupperware contents, I started wondering why I hadn't done this sooner. How had I allowed our refrigerator to get to this point? The answer was simple - I "never had time" to do it before - or at least that's what I told myself. It made me think about all the things I neglect because "I don't have time." I mean, I eat food out of that fridge everyday. What's the point of buying organic farm fresh groceries if they're sitting on the same shelf as moldy carrot ginger soup? If I don't have time for something as important as cleaning my food's home, what else don't I have time for? So after doing this....

...I made a list of all the things I need/want to start making time for. This list ended up being way longer than I expected. I can't believe all the things I put off because I told myself I was too busy. Not ready to share my list quite yet but I'll be filling y'all in as I go.

Second stop - dabbling in witchcraft. Believe it or not, this too was another first for me. Last week, John and I made our way to Enchantments. According to their website, they're NYC's largest Witchcraft and Goddess Supply Store. I was in the market for a Custom Carved Candle to assist me on my journey through unemployment. We were greeted by a lovely witch/goddess at the candle carving desk. She asked me about my situation and also about what I was looking to achieve. After a quick chat, she told me I'd be getting the "Uncrossing" candle. This candle is meant to open doors and remove obstacles - sounds exactly what I was looking for. After being hand carved, glittered, oiled and anchored with lead, my candle was ready.

I brought the candle home but it sat on my mantle for a few days. Before you light your candle, you're supposed to write a letter of intent explaining what you hope to accomplish with your candle. This was one of those things I didn't have time for, or maybe I was overwhelmed with the idea of putting my thoughts on paper (because for some reason, when you put your thoughts on paper, they become so much more real) so I kept procrastinating. Finally, after I made my post-fridge-cleaning list, I decided that today was the day. I sat down and wrote my letter of intent, read it out loud a couple of times (so my candle and I would be on the same page) and lit the wick. It takes about 7 days to burn completely down. I can put it out when I leave the house but every time I re-light it, I have to focus my energy on my intent and read my letter again. Though I'm usually a huge skeptic of things of this nature, I have a good feeling about my candle. If nothing else, it's made me really analyze my goals for my future and put them down on paper so I'm constantly revisiting them. If that's not a positive step in the right direction, I don't know what is.

Third stop - Greene Ave Tattoo Shop. For me, getting tattooed is a pretty emancipating experience. At this point, I'm used to going under the needle but today was different. It was my first time getting tattooed by a woman, the lovely Becki Wilson. I didn't really think it would be that much different but it truly was unlike any tattoo experience I have ever had. Collected and calming, Becki has a way about her that is very confident and cool but never pretentious. When I spotted this drawing on her Instagram, I called dibs right away.

The nesting doll held some meaning with me. I love the idea that nesting dolls are kind of like onions - after you peel each layer away, there's a similar but not identical layer underneath. It's what I'm hoping to accomplish - to start peeling away at my layers so I can learn more about who I really am and what I really want in life. Am I expecting my layers to be similar but not identical - yes. Am I ready to be surprised if I peel away a layer of onion to find a pear - yes.

So with my cleansing underway, I start my first part-time gig tomorrow. That's right, I got a job (but don't worry, it's not a real one)! You're looking at the newest shop girl at Green Ave Tattoo Shop. I'll be there 2 days a week, not as a boss but as a wide-eyed novice, ready to soak up everything I can.

Wish me luck.

What now?

This past Saturday was my last day of work as Director of Operations at Woodley & Bunny. After nearly 3 years of what has certainly been my most challenging job so far, I decided it was time to move on. Normally for me, a change of this magnitude would have been executed with a well thought out, calculated plan of what now - my next job lined up, how long it would take me to get promoted and a financial plan in place - but that was not the case this time around. My resignation was decided on a whim. Though I had toyed around with the idea for months - after realizing I hadn't taken a vacation or even had a single weekend that I hadn't worked through since I started my job - I was so attached to what I did, I never thought I'd leave. And then, one magical morning, I rolled out of bed with just the right amount of aplomb needed to march into Jenny's room, wake her up and confidently declare "I'm quitting my job today...so can you braid my hair?" With my braid (but little else) in place, I went to work that day and handed in my resignation.

In true fashion, I had interviews scheduled right away and even a job offer with a salary comparable to a bench rookie NHL player's to manage a life insurance company. It seemed like an easy decision but even to my own shock, I declined the offer. I quit my job because I was looking for something more fulfilling, more collaborative, more creative - there was no way my efforts toward a more emotionally fulfilling career was going to lead me to manage a life insurance company (despite the 6 figure offer).

After turning down the job, I had some major "what the fuck am I going to do" moments. After sending a hysterical (and menstrual fueled) text to John last week that went something like this regarding my future, he got home with a hobo pack in tow (ignoring the fact that I was curled up on the Lazy Boy, watching Law and Order : SVU, feeling sorry for myself). He leaned over, gave me a kiss and handed me the hobo pack - it contained a mug filled with some coins, a harmonica and an apple all bundled inside a handkerchief and tied to a tree branch. He said it was the starter pack to my next career. It made me realize, I can do anything.

After much deliberation (some solid time with a Magic 8 Ball and taking a few cues from the planets and stars), I decided that I'm going to be unemployed for a while but not in the lazy, Netflix is my best friend sort of way. I'm taking a break from being the boss that I've spent the last three years striving to be and I'm going to focus on collaborating with people, learning new things and attempting to be a better person in general. I'm hoping for part time gigs, support groups, hobbies, volunteering efforts, unpaid internships, exercise groups, self-help books and maybe even a hands-on apprenticeship. I'm taking off the bossy pants, putting the thinking cap on and I'm going to do what all unemployed people do - blog about it.